Is it because I queefed?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
