If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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