that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
