Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She's the barista slut.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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