the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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