It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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