At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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