yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
