Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
