My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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