have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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