Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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