My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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