dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
