You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
