I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
