is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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