You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
