Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i was born a porn star she said
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
They took my balls.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
