Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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