I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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