I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Randomize
