there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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