thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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