i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
