Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
