I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
