Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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