If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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