i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
