Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
