I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
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