After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
