Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
