can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Nicole vs. Life
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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