we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
