just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
