just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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