I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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