In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
high people should be assigned attendants
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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