Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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