I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just googled if crying burns calories
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
