ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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