I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
