He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I need water and some morals
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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