I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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