Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
