HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
