I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
