I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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