anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
