Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
