Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
