i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
