I can text with my tongue
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize