big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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