I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
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You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
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No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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