i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
