Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
if only i could text you this smell
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I party with great urgency now.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
