someone get that fucking seahorse.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
