but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
