Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Of course I have a pirate flag
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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