Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
