Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
