he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
