i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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