Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
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One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
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Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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