If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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