i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
All the doctor said was why
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
