So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
