also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
