He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
