In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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