you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
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