how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
